I Once...........

I once:

Called Mickey D's super late at night and left a message on their answering machine that went like this:  Yea, can I speak to Ron?  Ya know Ronald McDonald, the guy with the big red floppy shoes?  Umm and if he's not in I'd like to talk to the big fat purple dude and tell him how great the burgers are or maybe hamburgler, my number is ....ok thanks bye!  Sadly Ron never called me back, I never ate at Mickey D's again, the bastard!!

Called Wendy's and asked some questions about cheese, the kid that answered the phone couldn't have been more than 16.  I asked that if I got a triple burger would it include three pieces of cheese or only two and what the difference was between cheddar and swiss cheese.  I continued to explain that I was lactose intolerant and that my boyfriend hates it because when I eat cheese I fart a lot and then I asked him if he would date a girl that farted a lot, and he said without missing a beat, sure, yea I would.......

Caught one of my best friends outside my boyfriends house back in high school at like midnight, it was clear he was banging her behind my back.  So me and another friend did some late night grocery shopping and grabbed some eggs and toilet paper, then stopped by Burger King and grabbed a shit load of ketchup packets and totally F'ed up her car with it all.  Funny thing though, we did it drive by style in my car several times without getting out and the last drive by my friend almost fell completely out of the window when I gunned it and accidently grabbed onto the antenna of the skanky ho's car and broke it clean off!!  Even funnier, the bitch called me the next day and told me all about her car getting f'ed up, it was hard to not laugh.

Stole a shit load of hall passes from my teachers desk and then charged 25 cents per pass for fellow students to use them to wander the halls without getting in trouble.

Used to write doctors excuses and it's okay to ride so and so's bus notes  that were supposed to be written by parents for my friends, I had the coolest handwriting in the 6th grade.

On many occasions, actually would borrow money everyday from this big fat kid for lunch.  I'd get a burrito from the ala carte line.  If I added up the whole year I think I would have owed him like $80, shit I hope I never run into him ever again, if he added interest all these years the dude would be a millionaire, however with a name like "BJ" he wasn't goin' far anyways.