Once upon a time I did some work for Christian Dior and was at a department store for an event and had to use the bathroom. Of course it was a busy Saturday so there was a bit of a line to the bathroom. I hate bathroom lines because you don't get a choice as to what stall you get to go in ya know what I'm sayin'? Like I like to stroll down the line of stalls and peek in each one and have a look around, almost like you would when looking at a house to buy, I mean you want to make sure there's a.) enough room b.) clean c.) has all the amenities (this includes toilet paper and if you're lucky, a nice seat to sit your booty down on). But, no, not when there's a line, hell no, you get whatever is next, the whole time you're in line you're hoping for the best, maybe even a little prayer ensues in your mind like:
"Dear God, it's me Dani, I know we haven't talked in like a week, but man I need your help right now, see I have to pee like real bad and I don't have a choice as to what stall I get. It's like one of those mystery gifts we used to give in elementary school during Christmas. So if you could intercede here and make sure I get a real spiffy stall that'd be great!" Aaaaaaaamen!!!
Well on this day I forget the almighty potty prayer and I was up next, I could feel sweat start to trickle down my forehead, oh no, here it comes I'm next, I heard the potty flush in the third stall down. I closed my eyes I didn't want to see who walked out, what if she was nasty, what if she "looked" like she didn't wash down there........I didn't want to know. So, after I closed my eyes for a second or two I smiled and walked to the stall, closed the door, when all of a sudden a whiff of something disgusting and almost memorable flew up my nose. What the hell, I thought did a zoo just come through here? Seriously, the stall smelled so disgusting I thought I may puke a alittle bit in my mouth. It smelled just like a F'ing zoo, you know how a zoo smells.....yea like that!!! What the hell was inside the last chicks panties that was just in here? Hell, what was up her va-jay-jay ? Two sweaty monkeys? I hurried the best I could before I puked, flushed with my foot and ran out holding my breath. Then I realized shit, the next person to go in here is gonna think I did the monkey thang.........maaaaaaan don't you hate that? When you've exited an already stinky ass stall and the next person thinks you did it? There's no escape I tell you no escape!!
So because I was going to be working in the store the remainder of the afternoon, I made a statement in the bathroom, if there was a podium in there, trust me, I would have used it. I said oooooooh maan that stall stinks I don't know what happened in there but IT WAS NOT ME!!! I'm serious it wasn't me!!
Don't let this happen to you, carry a secret weapon for when you encounter somebody else's own personal zoo, make sure you always carry a miniature bottle of febreze in your purse!!! It could save a nose or some serious embarrassment that shouldn't be yours to deal with.
1 comment:
there was a woman in the office i used to work in with a very very very gross odor. you could walk in the restroom and know either she was in there, or just came out. the sad part was no one wanted to say anything to her, because she was a big shot in the company. i have a strong sense of smell as it is so this would make me gag. meanwhile, I hated if i needed to talk to her about business and go into her cubicle which stunk as well. i don't know how her family never said anything to her...maybe they smelled too?? who knows?
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